10 THINGS YOU SHOULD DO TO MAKE YOUR WIFE FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU ALWAYS.
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Whatever I’ll be sharing with you in this short but detailed article is not something that I read from books, but this is borne out of the day-to-day experience I have been privilege to have, having been married now for twenty-one years(21yrs), with four children ”two boys and two girls”
Several years ago when I was in the university, I was invited to a wedding ceremony somewhere in Port Harcourt Nigeria. A Friend’s elder brother was getting married to the loved of his life, I attended the wedding ceremony alongside other friends and invitees. To be precise the wedding was well attended, it was such a lavished occasion with plenty to eat and drink, everyone celebrated the new couples who were all over themselves.
As a young man, I was touched by their expression of love such that I longed to be married the next day. The ceremony ended late into the evening and the couple was so full of love for each other. Wedding over, they headed for their home in preparation to proceed on their honeymoon the next day. At home they had a minor argument that could have been resolved easily without a third party ever getting to know about what happened but instead the little quarrel resulted in a serious fight the next morning, it got to the point where they fought openly in the streets where they lived, serious death threats were issued by both parties and before the day was over the new marriage has ended with husband threatening to kill the wife and the wife threatening to kill the husband.
You may say, “that is not me” but it could have been you or anyone else! On a daily basis marriages/relationships are being called off even without prior notice and the pains are not easy to forget in a hurry.
What if I told you that there is a better way to salvage that union than to crash it. Below are Ten factors that have helped to keep my relationship alive for the past 21years. take note: “what has worked for me might not work with you, just try out different things, you will find the one that works best for you.
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1. Tolerance: Another word for tolerance is “patience” relationships are sustained on the grounds of tolerance/patience. My wife and I happen to come from two very distinct cultural and parental upbringings. We are so different in our mode of perception, but we manage to get along for the past 21yeras without open confrontations, you may want to ask:” has there never been moments of confrontation and arguments?” yes! Yes! And yes but the spirit of tolerance is what has sustained us through the years. For example, I love well kept and clean environment but my wife is quite the opposite, so on several occasions, I will return home to see that the whole place is in a state of a complete mess. Instead of quarreling or shouting which might, in turn, create an unpleasant inhabitable environment, I will simply proceed to clean the room and re-arrange the littered furniture (you see: children must always act children and women must always be women). Now I also have my flaws, there had been moments of heated arguments but we have learned to tolerate each other. You are who you are and your wife is who she is. You cannot expect your wife to be you, and the same goes for the wife:” your husband can never be you- you were wired differently and this you must accept if you don’t want to experience a breakup in that relationship. After all, God tolerates us in all our weaknesses, we must also learn to put up with the flaws of our partners by extending helping hands at every time. Just remember that “relationships are sustained on the altar of tolerance”
2. Faith: Why faith? What has faith got to do in sustaining a relationship you may want to ask? Everything! Relationships are built on mutual trust. You must believe in each other. You must learn to build trust first during the period of courtship on each other if you want that relationship to stand the test of time. You must have faith to know what your spouse can and cannot do per time. Friends and relations will always have what to say either positive or negative. In the past 21years, we have Endeavoured to avoid paying attention to side talks. I trust my wife and she trusts me too; this has been the spice that has juiced up our relationship for 21years. I have also learned to rely on her decisions most of the time, you know! one person should not always make the decisions at home, there should be shifting grounds, it should not be a dictatorship kind of government at home, please always give listening ears to your partner even at moments you may not want to, this will glue and endear you to your spouse always. And, you never can tell! Your spouse’s input can make all the difference and provide the much-needed solution.
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3. Faithfulness: Many people can define faithfulness but lacks behind when it comes to its application. I have had to learn the art of being faithful to my spouse in the past 21 years of our marriage. Below are some of the areas I have to deal with:
Infidelity: Unfaithfulness by either partner can be very devastating; it is the fast lane that leads to a collapsing relationship. Sometimes I wonder what married men will find in other women that are not in their wives or what women find in other men, not in their husbands. Through God’s special grace For 21years past now, there has not been a time when I nurse a feeling for any other woman on earth and my wife too has been very faithful to our union. If there has been any feeling for a woman other than my wife or sister it has been the AGAPE kind of love and nothing more. I can express the God kind of love to any woman and nothing more, cheating on your spouse is devilish and whoever does it is a child of the devil. Remember the golden rule, “do unto others what you wish them to do to you”. This is my counsel, avoid pity parties, don’t always go to relate the problem between you and your partner to a third party as they will most often take advantage of your vulnerability………….! “
A stitch in time saves life”
Financial management. This is where most people get it wrong, husband and wife being shoddy when it comes to financial matters. My friend and brother in the church always have it tough on the wife because they hoard their financial dealings from each other. As a teacher, he hides his payslip from the wife and she complains about it bitterly, the wife also maintains a secret bank account from the husband and operates several secret businesses, and even acquires a parcel of land without the consent of the husband and this almost broke up the relationship if not for our swift intervention.
Be open to each other; For instance, if you were to be in a restaurant with friends and your spouse calls to find out where you are, be bold to tell her the truth about your location.
Avoid keeping secrets from your spouse- Try to discuss your ugly past with your spouse before he/she hears from another source, this can destroy the relationship quickly.
Be a man or woman at your word: (Say what you mean, and mean what you say) even in-jokes.
Always endeavor to fulfill your promise to each other, For example; “when you want to get money or anything from your spouse that you are not sure to return never use the word borrow or lend me” as this will build a serious negative mindset in the union.
Love is not greedy, does not consider self alone (one of my friends will never eat out of the home if he cannot organize a package for his wife), you may say: “ I am not married” it is not until you are married, good virtues are developed during courtship. Love is vocal, it has a voice and therefore speaks, and there is something called the language of love, love is spoken through the demonstration of love. When we first started our relationship 21yrs ago, even during the time of courtship, I use to buy her something I know she likes so much ” you know that women like fanciful things” up to to this moment I still buy for her that stuff I know she likes even when I am down financially. It might not be convenient but trust me it thus spices up the relationship. 21years ago, occasionally I’ll surprise her by lifting her in with my arms and softly say to her: mummy! ( her pet name) “I love you”, 21years later I’m still doing that. I’ll wake her up early in the morning and say to her; “I love you” and I will go ahead to pronounce blessings on her. Her joy is my priority because when she is always happy; there will be heaven’s peace in the home. This is not saying that there have not been moments of disagreement, we have had disagreements several times in the past but we will almost immediately resolve the matter just the two of us. I owe it up to myself to always apologize and seek for peace whether I am in the right or wrong whenever there is a conflict between us: you know the bible tells us to follow peace with all men, and again the Bible declares “do not give place to the devil” if people could bury their pride, they will enjoy perfect peace. There are no perfect husbands or wives anywhere in this world- you must learn to accept your spouse just the way he/she is. There is so much to say here but this is just a short article, if you want more on this just you’re your comment and I can give useful suggestions that can help that relationship that is on the verge of breaking up to be restored.
5. Understanding: There is something called “body language” you should learn to understand your spouse’s body language per time. Sometimes, your spouse might want to be left alone, please endeavor to respect that decision. Little things matter. I know that most men are lazy or not knowledgeable when it comes to preparing meals for the family and your spouse may not be having the best of times, you must excuse her and take up the challenge to prepare something for the family or even sometimes she may have been too engaged in some other activity, take up the challenge to fill in the gap, this spices up the relationship. Insisting on what is or is not your right may destroy the relationship gradually. As for me I love to cook but my wife cooks better, so when she is not available, I take up the responsibility, sometimes when she is not in her best shape, she messes up with the cooking and ruins a good meal, I will not go nagging “I just understand, it is not one of her best moments” complaining very often can ruin the peace that exists. Often I don’t wait for her to tell me that she needs my help, I just understand and will immediately lend a helping hand to her (avoid being too busy all the time). A good woman will understand when the husband does not have the money for certain basic needs of hers, there should be no need to quarrel with your husband just because you are trying to measure up with your friend or that other woman, you are peculiar in your special way, a unique and virtuous woman, beauty to behold. ( please I am not suggesting that husbands should neglect their wife’s essential needs, if you have the capacity, please do not make excuses, provide at once.
6. Acceptability: I have flaws in my life and the same goes for my wife but we have learned over the years to accept each other and manage our weaknesses. Accepting your partner just the way he/she is, will always breed long-lasting relationships and love. As people grow old in their relationship they begin to notice what this or that is not doing well, this is fault-finding. When you begin to notice something strange in your partner instead of criticizing, try to find out what has happened to your partner and extend a helping hand, you should not be the one to castigate or announce it to the whole world as an excuse to backing out from the relationship. If you suddenly begin to notice after several years of a relationship that your spouse is too short or too slim or always broke, you are going to crash that relationship.
7. Appreciation: This in my opinion is one of the most important factors ton enjoying a healthy relationship but always neglected in a relationship. If you do not want to crash, please show just a little appreciation to your spouse. Nothing is too small or too big, sometimes; it could just be mere words that can do the miracle. You may avoid long prayer requests by a simple act of appreciation. Learn to always say “thank you when the need arises”………….
8. Pay Attention To Matters Affecting Your Spouse: I call this the little fox that spoils the tender vines. Don’t always get too busy to the detriment of your spouse, always pay attention, you may not always have the time to but you must have to create the time. You know women sometimes act like children, be prepared to listen to all the jargon they will want to say, there could be a sense in the nonsense. Many a relationship has crumbled because of negligence. When there exists a gap that you do not have the time to fill, someone else might take advantage to fill in the gap and this could spell doom in the relationship……more on this!
9. A Life Of Sacrifice: in our 21years of relationship, I have come to understand that nothing sustains a relationship better than a life of safe less sacrifice, oftentimes I sacrifice my moments of sleep and rest just to put a smile in the face of my spouse. After all, her joy is my joy. Most times I forgo a pressing need of mine to fulfill her personal needs. You can do the same. By all means, eliminate the personal pronoun “I” replace it with “US” “OUR” sounds better than I. think about it. God loved us so much that he has to sacrifice his only son for the salvation of the world. You must sacrifice something for a healthy, joyful, and long-lasting relationship. ………
10. Sexual Relationship: Maintaining a good and consistent sexual relationship breeds harmony in the union. There are no exceptions to this rule. You may not feel like but your spouse feels like, please, please, and please don’t create the room for an external source to fill in the vacuum you have helped to create. Your body belongs to each other. 90% of broken relationships if not more,9 is attributed to a poor sexual relationship between partners….,….etc
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